I can't see why I hit your car.

All the time when I come through my neighborhood I continually want to ram into vehicles that are parked right where you are supposed to turn. As I drove through Eagle mountain last week I noticed several cars parked in a round about. Is our country in such bad shape that people can't even realize that this is a no parking zone. When I went to back out from the car show thats right I have 10 feet to back up a 18 foot truck because someone is too lazy to find a parking spot so they park by a curb and go in not ever thinking that this guy is crazy enough to plow right into my beloved H2, or lincoln navigator. If you love a vehicle enough to spend that kind of money on it use your brain enough to realize that the safest spot is in a stall. I was able to barely wiggle out enough to leave but it was barely.
I have thought of a few things that I am going to try from now on.
I am going to keep a can of red paint in my vehicle then if I don't like them I will paint the curb red and call the police to ticket them.
I am sure you have put slime in your bike tires once or twice before to keep them from going flat if you run over a thorn well I will take the cap and let all of their tires run flat so they can realize how inconvienced we all were as well.
I will join triple A just enough to have them come out and "unlock my vehicle"-Sir I don't see your keys and the alarm is still going. Oh no worries let me throw in this stink bomb, lock the door for them shut it back up oops mine is over there well thanks for your help anyways honest mistake how could I get this buick aspen mistaken with my toyota corolla.
These are the nice things I will do.
But if I get really angry I am just going to plow into someones vehicle at 40 miles per hour and say I didn't even see them, their brake lights must not be working. When the cops show up and say this vehicle was in park sir, I will just reply really how could a vehicle be in park in a roundabout, or how could this vehicle be in park right where you turn out onto the street? The driver must have run off when I passed out momentarily from the collision.
If those don't work I will get my own tow truck company and tow the vehicle at owners expense to a yard then notify them 7 days later saying you still haven't picked up your vehicle the fine has now doubled plus our daily holding rate for a full week has also doubled including the daily rate is still being accrued for your vehicle. They can pay me for being a jerk.
Finally my last option will be manufacturing a wheel boot to put on their vehicles tires. I will put one on both of the side tires with a number to my companies headquarters. When they call I will take my sweet time to get there. Like a couple of hours then I will take a while in my vehicle to eat my dinner that I just got. After that I will get out and explain that I need the payment in cash form only because of our recent problem with credit card holders. When they finally pay the $140 fee I will take off the first boot, go in my truck for a while and act like I am processing things. Then I will go out and they will say alright its been like 4 hours take off the other boot and I will say ma'am you have to pay the processing fee for that boot as well. Do you have cash to pay it at this time or should I come back later. When they send someone as pissed off as they can be to get cash I will say call our number when they return and we will send someone out to get the other one off. Then when they return 5 minutes after I left I will go and see a movie and go back out to the place and say oh its you again as they think the same things I will again be just finishing my dinner and getting the boot lock code info put in the system as is compnay procedure to process this properly, take their money a second time only this time it will be more since it was their second offense meaning they parked it there long enough to receive a second infraction. Then I will take it off and say as kindly as possible have a nice day.
If I was a real jerk I would find out where they live and then put the boot on their vehicle while they slept. So they go out to go to work back up and pop their tire and then get out to see another boot only this time the number for the boot will go to a line that says thank you for realizing you are a jerk, the first step is jerk recognition. Say it with me I am a jerk I need help to quit being a jerk. The line will go on and on for hours, but they will never get results, and if they try to call me on the number from the day before I will answer with Dominoes pizza can you hold please?