They say the average American eats over 7,000 calories on Thanksgiving Day. Thats what I call a typical Monday.
Every year my in-laws get into a whip cream fight between a sister in law and a father in law. I never want to get involved until one of them hits me with some.
I've noticed every wheres I go they are cooking two turkeys. The sad part is two get cooked but only one gets served. Why cook two if you aren't going to serve two are we really that indulgent.
Pumpkin pie is a lot like carving a pumpkin for halloween. You almost only do it because its tradition. No one like carving pumpkin and no one really prefers pumpkin pie.
My brother made something called Koos Koos. I called it Blues Clues, and it reminded me a lot of that program. My son loves it which is great for him, but it offers me no real value as I already learned most of my colors, shapes and alphabet years ago. A lot like Koos Koos, my brother loves it but had I never heard of it or tried it; life would have continued on like normal. Now on the other hand the honey rolls he made were something that should now become a new traditional food. They were the perfect amount of sweetness and goodness.
Are people really so dumb as to ask the question, "Is there anyone that can't go shopping the day after Thanksgiving I thought everythings closed that day?" Well what about all the stores you plan to go to? you think they are just going to manage themselves? If you are running a firework stand I can understand why your company can shut down for a few days off in a row, but people at legitimate businesses don't always have the same luxury. Imagine a patient coming into the ER and myself saying how dare you have a heart attack don't you know you are the reason I am not out shopping. How about dialing 911 and hearing our office is closed in lieu of the Thanksgiving festivities. Please try back Monday morning at 9 A.M. How about all the police that need to make sure everyone is safe as there are people out there that are willing to stab you in order to get the first dancing chipmunk or whatever the craze is. Lets see how appreciative you'd be of that as your purse get stolen, you have a heart attack and then the nerve to get wheeled in to the nearest ER.
Have you ever noticed the trend, that once you get closed to Thanskgiving all your co-workers suddenly start getting nicer and nicer to you. It like they think that you will probably be alone that day, or you won't have anywheres to be and they are afraid you might try to get them to roast for your turkey supper.
Last thing: Cormac McCarthy who wrote no country for old men (pretty freaky) wrote a book called the Road that opened up Nov 25. Well the only place I could find tickets for it was in Los Angeles and Colorado. How pissed off would you be if you go to buy tickets and found out you'd have a five hour car ride to the theater, or you have to catch a plane out to LA just to see a show. It is both pathetic that is wasn't opened nationwide as his last book turned movie had phenomenal success and frustrating that the one good movie out that I have been looking forward to forever isn't even a nationwide open and there are no posted dates for when I will be able to see it.
Luckily I am still kind of in a turkey hangover from yesterday so I won't be violent I will just need to find a nice quiet spot to lie down and sleep my anger off.
Friday, November 27, 2009
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
the giant kid
We decided to take my son to get a dart gun. I was really excited this was going to be his first firing gun that he could use and I couldn't wait. In the store I was comparing them to the other models and seeing what held the most ammo per cartridge, what fired the fastest, how much ammo would you get, how far could it shoot, etc. I decided the CS-35 was the best model as it had a 35 round drum plus at walmart only it came with a bonus drum and bonus darts. So it had 70 darts that can be rapid fired around 4 per second up to 35 feet. That is a lot of firepower for a 2 and half year old. Apparently too much firepower actual. After I blasted my baby girl with almost 70 rounds in about 15 seconds while telling her to stop crying my boy thought the gun was a little too dramatic for him and that he didn't really want to play with it. I just thought great after I told him no he couldn't get a $4 train he had to get a $30 gun and made him wait for me to assemble the arsenal and then showed him how much fear could come even from a dart gun he decides he doesn't even want to play with it. That means I can store this with my other toys maybe by the super k'nex roller coaster I built or my full bionicles glatorian collection. Oh no I guess I will just put it up with my other toys marked you are going to loose an eye with this.
Regular interval scheduled maintenance
The real problem with regular interval scheduled maintenance is that every day around 2:30 when I head in to play my facebook games in the break room, they are performing their RISM. No I am normally not against it except when it appears it is against me
Alternate family guy elevator fun
I had to leave my first floor haven and go up to the fourth floor for a special meeting at work. My way up was going great I just passed the second floor and the third, great it looks like no one is going to be riding in the elevator with me. I will just make sure all my gas is out real quick before getting out of this nice quiet inclosed private elevator. Ding. Alright picture this me already out and looking at the map by the elevator to find a conference room while a guy comes around the corner and jumps in the open doors. Here he is thinking he is all lucky and he just happened to find an empty elevator when all I heard was the oh my and a gasp I have never heard before in my entire life as the doors start to shut. I think that guy was probably pretty disturbed to know that this wasn't even a terrorist attack. This was the results of too much cheese pizza and ice cream the night before. But none the less I think we both learned a valuable lesson, take the elevator up but use the stairs to go down.
This is a new low
So today on my way back to the office, I saw a work van going to leave a parking lot by the office. It had the back door propped open and tons off things sitting by the back door. I laughed and pointed it out to my friend saying I can't wait 'til he goes to pull out to beat someone and the acceleration send everything falling out the back of his van. I was even more excited as I saw him turn on his left blinker knowing it could spill across multiple lanes of traffic. Sadly at this point my friend was pulling into the parking lot and I wasn't able to see how it all played out.
Monday, August 24, 2009
Doesn't everyone want Scentsy?
I don't know if you have ever noticed this as you drive around the greater Salt Lake area, but if you keep your eyes out you might notice cars that advertise Scentsy. They are these candle blocks that melt without fire so they are safe for the home and easy to use by just plugging it in and it is assumed they are just fantastic.
Well I have noticed these vehicles because they are absolute idiots when it comes to driving. I think the biggest problem is when you are advertising you own home business on the whole back window and both sides of tha car there is obviously not any chance that they could bother to check their blindspots or even see if anything was coming up behind them.
In the last three weeks I have almost been hit by not one, not two, not three but count them four of their freaking vehicles. Everytime it is some crazy lady in a suv like minivan, with her stickers all over her windows. I am surprised I haven't seen one on the front windshield so others like me can easily say here comes disaster.
I would just think that if you are hoping to get your business some customers, and you are trying to sell a product the best way to do it would be for someone to recognize you driving 25 in your neighborhood, instead of looking like they have 10 seconds until soccer practice then 15 minutes to get the next kid to piano practice in ogden, or them signaling when they want to get over instead of cutting you off and making you slam on the brakes to keep from crushing their horrifically decorated vehicle. Heck even look like they are competent enough to drive instead of talking on the phone and continually drifting into otheres lanes by 2 or 3 feet because they are obviously trying to write down someones address for their next big sale!
I don't know it just seems like from these experiences I will never feel good about purchasing one of their products as it seems like their products are only for airheads that are so dissatisfied with their life that they need to buy small inadament objects to gratify themselves and take away a little of the focus of the mudane that their lives have become.
Well I have noticed these vehicles because they are absolute idiots when it comes to driving. I think the biggest problem is when you are advertising you own home business on the whole back window and both sides of tha car there is obviously not any chance that they could bother to check their blindspots or even see if anything was coming up behind them.
In the last three weeks I have almost been hit by not one, not two, not three but count them four of their freaking vehicles. Everytime it is some crazy lady in a suv like minivan, with her stickers all over her windows. I am surprised I haven't seen one on the front windshield so others like me can easily say here comes disaster.
I would just think that if you are hoping to get your business some customers, and you are trying to sell a product the best way to do it would be for someone to recognize you driving 25 in your neighborhood, instead of looking like they have 10 seconds until soccer practice then 15 minutes to get the next kid to piano practice in ogden, or them signaling when they want to get over instead of cutting you off and making you slam on the brakes to keep from crushing their horrifically decorated vehicle. Heck even look like they are competent enough to drive instead of talking on the phone and continually drifting into otheres lanes by 2 or 3 feet because they are obviously trying to write down someones address for their next big sale!
I don't know it just seems like from these experiences I will never feel good about purchasing one of their products as it seems like their products are only for airheads that are so dissatisfied with their life that they need to buy small inadament objects to gratify themselves and take away a little of the focus of the mudane that their lives have become.
Fireworks
It amazes me to think that its been over a month and half since we saw fireworks with our two year old and yet everytime we go out to get in the truck and its dark outside He always looks up and says fireworks now. I keep trying to tell them we only get to watch them once a year, but to a two year old the concept of time is like the concept of using their own potty its just lost in translation.
Friday, July 17, 2009
Welcome to Earth
I have a co-worker, about 45 (probably older), who was coming back from smoking and said did you know you can see the moon out during the day that is really weird. I figure if it took her that long to realize that, there is no need for me to even bother trying basic quantum physics.
She probably just read last night about a cat that wears a hat-who is this Dr. Seuss guy?
Her retirement might be the hope that her reading level will be high enough to start the coveted Harry Potter books.
I think she called in last week because no one was home to tie her shoes for her.
And yet here she is working with me. I am sure no one can tell why she annoys me.
She probably just read last night about a cat that wears a hat-who is this Dr. Seuss guy?
Her retirement might be the hope that her reading level will be high enough to start the coveted Harry Potter books.
I think she called in last week because no one was home to tie her shoes for her.
And yet here she is working with me. I am sure no one can tell why she annoys me.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
The great part of being Deaf
You know there are a lot of pluses to being deaf. First of all if you have a co-worker that never shuts up you'd never have to hear them.
If you have a child that cries all through the night you'd never have to hear them.
If your girl gets mad and starts screaming and yelling all you would see was her lips moving and possibly a slight vibration from the sounds that she is producing.
When you were in the bathroom you wouldn't have to dread hearing the guy in the next stall by you.
You wouldn't hear people honk on yor commute to and from work.
If your wife stays up late to watch tv you could jsut fall asleep as the noise wouldn't keep you up anymore.
The best part I saved for last: When you go shooting you don't have to wear ear plugs.
If you have a child that cries all through the night you'd never have to hear them.
If your girl gets mad and starts screaming and yelling all you would see was her lips moving and possibly a slight vibration from the sounds that she is producing.
When you were in the bathroom you wouldn't have to dread hearing the guy in the next stall by you.
You wouldn't hear people honk on yor commute to and from work.
If your wife stays up late to watch tv you could jsut fall asleep as the noise wouldn't keep you up anymore.
The best part I saved for last: When you go shooting you don't have to wear ear plugs.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Black Birds and a Cherry Tree
We have a cherry tree in our back yard that has been my joy for the past few months. It had been growing so many cherries that some of the limbs were even starting to bend down from the extra weight. The tree is probably about 30 feet high and we expected to be eating cherries clear up until august off the tree.
I had gone out and picked about 350 cherries one evening that weren't sweet enough yet but they were good enough to eat. I made up my mind that every week I would go out and pick a couple hundred as a nice sunday night treat.
We got home from church and went out in the backyard to eat and relax in the shade.
I saw the tree and few birds in it but couldn't figure out what was wrong, until my wife says go ahead count all teh cherried the birds left us. I tried looking and I couldn't see anything I thought this was some sick joke because the day before they were just about the perfect color. I came up and sure enough the birds had eaten at least 10,000 cherries my rough but conservative estimate of what we planned to have. I was sad to say the least so if no one gets homemade cherry jam for Christmas you will now know why.
I had gone out and picked about 350 cherries one evening that weren't sweet enough yet but they were good enough to eat. I made up my mind that every week I would go out and pick a couple hundred as a nice sunday night treat.
We got home from church and went out in the backyard to eat and relax in the shade.
I saw the tree and few birds in it but couldn't figure out what was wrong, until my wife says go ahead count all teh cherried the birds left us. I tried looking and I couldn't see anything I thought this was some sick joke because the day before they were just about the perfect color. I came up and sure enough the birds had eaten at least 10,000 cherries my rough but conservative estimate of what we planned to have. I was sad to say the least so if no one gets homemade cherry jam for Christmas you will now know why.
True Story
I went to sell a broken iphone on ksl this last week. Well I had called up a few different people most didn't want to drive out and pick it up. I got one guy that finally said he'd pick it up and I went and met up and sold it to him. I didn't know what to say to the other kid that still wanted it but thought I should probably send him an email with an excuse so he won't feel bad. I just told him my little brother took it and thought he could fix it. I got an email back and he said actually it was my brother that bought it from you yesterday so its all good.
I felt worse now that he knew I had tried to just give him an excuse for not calling him back but he didn't want to drive out and get it. So I just replied okay sorry I am non confrontational and hate telling people when I have already sold an item to someone else. So far he hasn't sent back a response but what are the chances that two of the asian brother with different last names of do and truong happen to be real brothers and in contact that much.
Well it was humurous to me next time I sell an item I will have to inquire do you have any other family members trying to buy this item.
I felt worse now that he knew I had tried to just give him an excuse for not calling him back but he didn't want to drive out and get it. So I just replied okay sorry I am non confrontational and hate telling people when I have already sold an item to someone else. So far he hasn't sent back a response but what are the chances that two of the asian brother with different last names of do and truong happen to be real brothers and in contact that much.
Well it was humurous to me next time I sell an item I will have to inquire do you have any other family members trying to buy this item.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
I can't see why I hit your car.
All the time when I come through my neighborhood I continually want to ram into vehicles that are parked right where you are supposed to turn. As I drove through Eagle mountain last week I noticed several cars parked in a round about. Is our country in such bad shape that people can't even realize that this is a no parking zone. When I went to back out from the car show thats right I have 10 feet to back up a 18 foot truck because someone is too lazy to find a parking spot so they park by a curb and go in not ever thinking that this guy is crazy enough to plow right into my beloved H2, or lincoln navigator. If you love a vehicle enough to spend that kind of money on it use your brain enough to realize that the safest spot is in a stall. I was able to barely wiggle out enough to leave but it was barely.
I have thought of a few things that I am going to try from now on.
I am going to keep a can of red paint in my vehicle then if I don't like them I will paint the curb red and call the police to ticket them.
I am sure you have put slime in your bike tires once or twice before to keep them from going flat if you run over a thorn well I will take the cap and let all of their tires run flat so they can realize how inconvienced we all were as well.
I will join triple A just enough to have them come out and "unlock my vehicle"-Sir I don't see your keys and the alarm is still going. Oh no worries let me throw in this stink bomb, lock the door for them shut it back up oops mine is over there well thanks for your help anyways honest mistake how could I get this buick aspen mistaken with my toyota corolla.
These are the nice things I will do.
But if I get really angry I am just going to plow into someones vehicle at 40 miles per hour and say I didn't even see them, their brake lights must not be working. When the cops show up and say this vehicle was in park sir, I will just reply really how could a vehicle be in park in a roundabout, or how could this vehicle be in park right where you turn out onto the street? The driver must have run off when I passed out momentarily from the collision.
If those don't work I will get my own tow truck company and tow the vehicle at owners expense to a yard then notify them 7 days later saying you still haven't picked up your vehicle the fine has now doubled plus our daily holding rate for a full week has also doubled including the daily rate is still being accrued for your vehicle. They can pay me for being a jerk.
Finally my last option will be manufacturing a wheel boot to put on their vehicles tires. I will put one on both of the side tires with a number to my companies headquarters. When they call I will take my sweet time to get there. Like a couple of hours then I will take a while in my vehicle to eat my dinner that I just got. After that I will get out and explain that I need the payment in cash form only because of our recent problem with credit card holders. When they finally pay the $140 fee I will take off the first boot, go in my truck for a while and act like I am processing things. Then I will go out and they will say alright its been like 4 hours take off the other boot and I will say ma'am you have to pay the processing fee for that boot as well. Do you have cash to pay it at this time or should I come back later. When they send someone as pissed off as they can be to get cash I will say call our number when they return and we will send someone out to get the other one off. Then when they return 5 minutes after I left I will go and see a movie and go back out to the place and say oh its you again as they think the same things I will again be just finishing my dinner and getting the boot lock code info put in the system as is compnay procedure to process this properly, take their money a second time only this time it will be more since it was their second offense meaning they parked it there long enough to receive a second infraction. Then I will take it off and say as kindly as possible have a nice day.
If I was a real jerk I would find out where they live and then put the boot on their vehicle while they slept. So they go out to go to work back up and pop their tire and then get out to see another boot only this time the number for the boot will go to a line that says thank you for realizing you are a jerk, the first step is jerk recognition. Say it with me I am a jerk I need help to quit being a jerk. The line will go on and on for hours, but they will never get results, and if they try to call me on the number from the day before I will answer with Dominoes pizza can you hold please?
I have thought of a few things that I am going to try from now on.
I am going to keep a can of red paint in my vehicle then if I don't like them I will paint the curb red and call the police to ticket them.
I am sure you have put slime in your bike tires once or twice before to keep them from going flat if you run over a thorn well I will take the cap and let all of their tires run flat so they can realize how inconvienced we all were as well.
I will join triple A just enough to have them come out and "unlock my vehicle"-Sir I don't see your keys and the alarm is still going. Oh no worries let me throw in this stink bomb, lock the door for them shut it back up oops mine is over there well thanks for your help anyways honest mistake how could I get this buick aspen mistaken with my toyota corolla.
These are the nice things I will do.
But if I get really angry I am just going to plow into someones vehicle at 40 miles per hour and say I didn't even see them, their brake lights must not be working. When the cops show up and say this vehicle was in park sir, I will just reply really how could a vehicle be in park in a roundabout, or how could this vehicle be in park right where you turn out onto the street? The driver must have run off when I passed out momentarily from the collision.
If those don't work I will get my own tow truck company and tow the vehicle at owners expense to a yard then notify them 7 days later saying you still haven't picked up your vehicle the fine has now doubled plus our daily holding rate for a full week has also doubled including the daily rate is still being accrued for your vehicle. They can pay me for being a jerk.
Finally my last option will be manufacturing a wheel boot to put on their vehicles tires. I will put one on both of the side tires with a number to my companies headquarters. When they call I will take my sweet time to get there. Like a couple of hours then I will take a while in my vehicle to eat my dinner that I just got. After that I will get out and explain that I need the payment in cash form only because of our recent problem with credit card holders. When they finally pay the $140 fee I will take off the first boot, go in my truck for a while and act like I am processing things. Then I will go out and they will say alright its been like 4 hours take off the other boot and I will say ma'am you have to pay the processing fee for that boot as well. Do you have cash to pay it at this time or should I come back later. When they send someone as pissed off as they can be to get cash I will say call our number when they return and we will send someone out to get the other one off. Then when they return 5 minutes after I left I will go and see a movie and go back out to the place and say oh its you again as they think the same things I will again be just finishing my dinner and getting the boot lock code info put in the system as is compnay procedure to process this properly, take their money a second time only this time it will be more since it was their second offense meaning they parked it there long enough to receive a second infraction. Then I will take it off and say as kindly as possible have a nice day.
If I was a real jerk I would find out where they live and then put the boot on their vehicle while they slept. So they go out to go to work back up and pop their tire and then get out to see another boot only this time the number for the boot will go to a line that says thank you for realizing you are a jerk, the first step is jerk recognition. Say it with me I am a jerk I need help to quit being a jerk. The line will go on and on for hours, but they will never get results, and if they try to call me on the number from the day before I will answer with Dominoes pizza can you hold please?
My favorite thing about driving in Utah is you always know when you have someone from out of town. You'll be driving along at your normal 7-9 miles over the speed limit when you see others swerving into the other lanes to avoid someone driving 7-9 miles below the speed limit. They used to just be people from Idaho but that has recently changed to people from Oregon. I'll tell you this much if their whole state was burning up and falling in the ocean I would not want to be on the coastline trying to cross into montana. they have a weird belief that you still would drive 10 under the speed limit just to be safe. Maybe that is the problem with Utah since we pay taxes here and they don't maybe we get all edgy or maybe its the fact that we pump our own gas in Utah. The fumes have soaked into our brains.
Monday, March 16, 2009
Another thing I don't understand
I would like to pose a question, Why are people so loyal to sports teams? As March Madness is back upon us I hear all this talk about how someone is a die hard fan of a school they have never attended, and would consequently hold no chance whatsoever of ever attending that school. I hear all these people saying this is my school (when they never had gone there), these are my boys (when they don't know any of them), this is our year (you and your multi personalties? well this is a good year to get help and seek a mental evaluation).
I think to be a fan of something you should have to prove you went to the school. That is the only reason why I think any one should ever cheer for a school, I can see if you parents went there and you are too young to attend yet that you could follow your parents loyalty and cheer until you are out of high school at which time you couldn't cheer for the school until you had been accepted and enrolled in at least one class.
If you only went through high school for instance you wouldn't proclaim that TCU or Texas A&M is your school, these are your boys or this is your year. You can only choose a professional team at that point and it has to be with a good reason, I am a Utah Jazz fan because I live in Utah, and I don't mean to brag but I played on the Jr. Jazz team a few years when I was younger. I still have a couple jerseys, pictures and even some trophies to prove it.
This could be the same for Professional teams you can cheer for a team that has a player on their roster from your former school, and you could stay loyal to that team until you die, but if there never was a player from your former school then you don't have any claim or reason to be one of their fans unless of course someone in your family plays for them or you grew up in that city where they are located, or you were born when your parents were at one of their games, etc.
I just think it sounds dumb when you have no logical reason to be loyal to a school that you never got a degree from, you never received knowledge from this place that could increase your chances in life, you have never even been on a tour of the grounds.
Everyone would want to increase their chances of getting a degree to say hey I only went to community college and I think we were bruins I know the mascot looked like a giant circus bear which might explain why the school was full of so many clowns, but one day I dream of chearing for some other mystical animal like a cougar or an idian that lived here before the white man came.
Don't even get me started on how over paid the coaches are too. 1.2 million for a year of coaching a college team. Urgh you would think is someone had a college education they woudl be smart enough to say college proffessors make normally X-Y we will pay you X.Y per year like the other graduated gym coaches.
I think to be a fan of something you should have to prove you went to the school. That is the only reason why I think any one should ever cheer for a school, I can see if you parents went there and you are too young to attend yet that you could follow your parents loyalty and cheer until you are out of high school at which time you couldn't cheer for the school until you had been accepted and enrolled in at least one class.
If you only went through high school for instance you wouldn't proclaim that TCU or Texas A&M is your school, these are your boys or this is your year. You can only choose a professional team at that point and it has to be with a good reason, I am a Utah Jazz fan because I live in Utah, and I don't mean to brag but I played on the Jr. Jazz team a few years when I was younger. I still have a couple jerseys, pictures and even some trophies to prove it.
This could be the same for Professional teams you can cheer for a team that has a player on their roster from your former school, and you could stay loyal to that team until you die, but if there never was a player from your former school then you don't have any claim or reason to be one of their fans unless of course someone in your family plays for them or you grew up in that city where they are located, or you were born when your parents were at one of their games, etc.
I just think it sounds dumb when you have no logical reason to be loyal to a school that you never got a degree from, you never received knowledge from this place that could increase your chances in life, you have never even been on a tour of the grounds.
Everyone would want to increase their chances of getting a degree to say hey I only went to community college and I think we were bruins I know the mascot looked like a giant circus bear which might explain why the school was full of so many clowns, but one day I dream of chearing for some other mystical animal like a cougar or an idian that lived here before the white man came.
Don't even get me started on how over paid the coaches are too. 1.2 million for a year of coaching a college team. Urgh you would think is someone had a college education they woudl be smart enough to say college proffessors make normally X-Y we will pay you X.Y per year like the other graduated gym coaches.
My new most embarrassing moment
We had our stake conference yesterday. I had gone to the stake center about 40 minutes early in hopes of getting any good seats, but everyone had marked the benches and was saving all the seats even padded iron chairs were all being saved. I decided to go back home and I would come back with my family and see if I could just talk my wife into going in the relief society room where all the other parents with young kids would be becasue then we didn't have to chase the kids, they had padded iron chairs in there and when your kid screams all the other parents say wow I can't wait until this is over for all of us. She was insistent on being in the main meeting area even though the only chairs were solid iron chairs and the rows had only 14 inches of foot room barely enough for me to fit my feet in side ways.
Well sit in the very back corner so when the meeting is done we can make a break for the door and not have to fight the crowd. We have about 15 minutes until we start and the stake president comes in through the back and comes to say hi. He says I see you still had to show up early for these seats, and I smiled and thought at least he knows we were here early.
As the meeting begins we get through the first hymn, prayer even going through sustaining the stake. The kids are still being great and we are about to get to the speakers oh this is turning out great so far. I talk Hastings into coming and sitting on his chair and doing one of his activity folders. I turn to see the first speaker getting up when I hear a loud crashing sounds behind me and before I even turn to see I know our son has found a way to fall through the chair, so I am already standing up to see him crying and going to grab him.
The sound he made at that point when the meeting is so early and everyone is still awake was so loud at that moment that I might as well have thrown a piano off the stage, or fired off a fully automatic assault rifle in the air. I don't think there was anyones head who didn't turn to see what had happened. I distinctly remember even small babies that normally wouldn't be conscience of the situation turning and having this bewilderment upon their faces of what just happened. As I picked him up he started yelling BONK BONK and I bolted for the closest door, in complete embarrassment thinking great everyone is going to think something about me like I don't watch my kids, or I must be a bad dad, or that sucks for that guy oh isn't he the guy that drained all those three points in my face, oh no he is the one that elbowed me in the face during stake ball.
Needless to say I am not looking forward to the next stake conference because the whole time I am there if we get stuck with bad seats again I will be thinking oh no which one of our kids is going to fall through chair this time.
Well sit in the very back corner so when the meeting is done we can make a break for the door and not have to fight the crowd. We have about 15 minutes until we start and the stake president comes in through the back and comes to say hi. He says I see you still had to show up early for these seats, and I smiled and thought at least he knows we were here early.
As the meeting begins we get through the first hymn, prayer even going through sustaining the stake. The kids are still being great and we are about to get to the speakers oh this is turning out great so far. I talk Hastings into coming and sitting on his chair and doing one of his activity folders. I turn to see the first speaker getting up when I hear a loud crashing sounds behind me and before I even turn to see I know our son has found a way to fall through the chair, so I am already standing up to see him crying and going to grab him.
The sound he made at that point when the meeting is so early and everyone is still awake was so loud at that moment that I might as well have thrown a piano off the stage, or fired off a fully automatic assault rifle in the air. I don't think there was anyones head who didn't turn to see what had happened. I distinctly remember even small babies that normally wouldn't be conscience of the situation turning and having this bewilderment upon their faces of what just happened. As I picked him up he started yelling BONK BONK and I bolted for the closest door, in complete embarrassment thinking great everyone is going to think something about me like I don't watch my kids, or I must be a bad dad, or that sucks for that guy oh isn't he the guy that drained all those three points in my face, oh no he is the one that elbowed me in the face during stake ball.
Needless to say I am not looking forward to the next stake conference because the whole time I am there if we get stuck with bad seats again I will be thinking oh no which one of our kids is going to fall through chair this time.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Stupid Quote of the Day
I am sitting at my desk listening to two of my co-workers talk about sports (one thing I find almost useless). Well one of the guys says listen this players dad is a 6 time world kickboxing champion so he knows how to fight.
I would have to say this is one of the stupidest things I have heard in a long time.
I have never said to one of my friends hey your dad is a carpenter so you know how to build a house, or hey your dad is pilot so you know how to fly, or heaven forbid I have never said hey your dad is a doctor so you know how to do open heart surgery.
I can just imagine if you tried to use this same logic, how dumb you would really look. Imagine yourself in a restaurant when some lady at the table next to your starts going into painful labor (after she insisted she try the eggplant parmesian) you jump up and say hey are there any doctors here, no reply, okay are there any children of doctors with us today? To which I would hope someone would throw a shoe right at your head.
The farthest I think that you should go to say a child is like the parent is saying oh wow your daughters eyes are just as beautiful as yours are. Or I can now see where your daughter got all her curves from. Maybe even humoring her enough to say some other type of slight pickup/flirt/compliment that women eat up but other than that don't say your moms is stripper so that means you must be used to leather skirts and drunk men. It just isn't a very smart way to link two things together.
Unless to you caffeine free diet dr pepper and raw breaded chicken strips have some strangely absurd correlation.
I would have to say this is one of the stupidest things I have heard in a long time.
I have never said to one of my friends hey your dad is a carpenter so you know how to build a house, or hey your dad is pilot so you know how to fly, or heaven forbid I have never said hey your dad is a doctor so you know how to do open heart surgery.
I can just imagine if you tried to use this same logic, how dumb you would really look. Imagine yourself in a restaurant when some lady at the table next to your starts going into painful labor (after she insisted she try the eggplant parmesian) you jump up and say hey are there any doctors here, no reply, okay are there any children of doctors with us today? To which I would hope someone would throw a shoe right at your head.
The farthest I think that you should go to say a child is like the parent is saying oh wow your daughters eyes are just as beautiful as yours are. Or I can now see where your daughter got all her curves from. Maybe even humoring her enough to say some other type of slight pickup/flirt/compliment that women eat up but other than that don't say your moms is stripper so that means you must be used to leather skirts and drunk men. It just isn't a very smart way to link two things together.
Unless to you caffeine free diet dr pepper and raw breaded chicken strips have some strangely absurd correlation.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Your Momma
Although people didn't like the your momma jokes sometimes I think bringing back some nice whitful arguments would do society good. What ever happened to people that thought for themselves insted of letting a commercial define who they needed to become. We use to just use words to fight our fights, now because someone insults you you think you have to seriously injure them or kill them. Its crazy to think this is the society I was going to change, that I was going to make better, the one that raised me because I don't think it makes you brave to kill a rival gang member, to jump someone, to vandalize someones vehicle. I love the thought that the best way to get even is to live well. Wouldn't that be a way to fight instead of shooting a rival member of gang you could see who could find employment first, instead of proving how hard you party you could prove how long you can stay sober from drugs and alcohol, instead of the higher number of girls you've racked up, having the lower the number proves you know how to faithful to one woman and treat her right, instead of violence we could both recognize the silence that would exist in the lives of our loved ones if something happened to either side of the argument.
So speaking of that humor your mother is so dumb she buys chinese food from illegal immigrants that only speak spanish and it gets prepared by iranians all while she drives around in her american made SUV. HA HA take that.
So speaking of that humor your mother is so dumb she buys chinese food from illegal immigrants that only speak spanish and it gets prepared by iranians all while she drives around in her american made SUV. HA HA take that.
Take it away while you can.
My son loves to read books. If we would continue to read books all night he would be in heaven. He loves when we read him stories, usually we finish the book and he says again. You'd think after you finish the third time and he waould say again and it would be less enthusiastic but each time you finish and he gets to say again he get more and more excited.
But I started thinking oh when I was young I liked books, I enjoyed reading. Man I really hate reading, I can't even think the last I bought a book for myself. I can think of the last time I bought a book for my son and my wife and may I say now that there is a movie out for her book so it continues to prove if I wait long enough they will make a movie about every book I might ever read or comic book I might have read.
The biggest problem I have is as I go to think about how I hate reading maybe it is because I used to love it when I was younger.
I made a list of things I used to love when I was younger they include: running, riding my bike everywheres, watching sports, reading, getting out of the house all the time, skipping church, etc.
Sure enough as I am now older I am completely the opposite, I hate running, what just a bike life would suck without the good old V8 to throw money into, there are so much better things to watch then overpaid athletes, reading give me a break I do enough mind reading at owrk with my co-workers, now I hardly liek to leave the house when I am free from work I want to be home where I feel safe and peaceful, I feel too guilty if I ever miss a meeting, etc.
So I come to this conclusion that maybe in some sick twisted way if I can get my kid to hate all these good things while he is young then he will grow up to love all the good things as he gets older.
Now to make him hate taking baths, reading, running, vegetables, and church, after all I am doing this for his own good right?
But I started thinking oh when I was young I liked books, I enjoyed reading. Man I really hate reading, I can't even think the last I bought a book for myself. I can think of the last time I bought a book for my son and my wife and may I say now that there is a movie out for her book so it continues to prove if I wait long enough they will make a movie about every book I might ever read or comic book I might have read.
The biggest problem I have is as I go to think about how I hate reading maybe it is because I used to love it when I was younger.
I made a list of things I used to love when I was younger they include: running, riding my bike everywheres, watching sports, reading, getting out of the house all the time, skipping church, etc.
Sure enough as I am now older I am completely the opposite, I hate running, what just a bike life would suck without the good old V8 to throw money into, there are so much better things to watch then overpaid athletes, reading give me a break I do enough mind reading at owrk with my co-workers, now I hardly liek to leave the house when I am free from work I want to be home where I feel safe and peaceful, I feel too guilty if I ever miss a meeting, etc.
So I come to this conclusion that maybe in some sick twisted way if I can get my kid to hate all these good things while he is young then he will grow up to love all the good things as he gets older.
Now to make him hate taking baths, reading, running, vegetables, and church, after all I am doing this for his own good right?
My son's new love-Money.
I gave my son one of my old wallets so he could have something special to keep his money in like his dad does. I gave him a dollar and a nice new shiny quarter so if he tried to eat it he hopefully wouldn't be able to swallow it, and if he did it would be really reflective if we needed to shine a flashlight down his throat.
He loved the wallet he would pull open the velcro, unfold it and pull out his dollar like he was ready to purchase the world and still get some change back.
For days he did this he would open the wallet pull the money out and shake it around to show us if he wanted to could order off of any dollar menu in the world, and as soon as we would get it back into his wallet he would be excited to show us again he knew how to get his money out faster then the investors in Chase bank. Well I went to give my wife $30 dollars in case she needed to take our daughter into the doctors she didn't have her purse downstairs so she said oh I can just put it in the boys wallet and we'll easily be able to find that as he'll never let that out of his sight. So I put it in and this miracle happened to my boy as soon as he saw me holding his wallet he ran over and took it from me he opened it up and saw that his money had grown, and his investments were already starting to pay off. He slid out the money to see the fancy designs and was super happy. It was so cute to see how happy having this money in his possession made him feel.
The next day I got home from work and my wife tells me he was so bad today. I ask what happened and she says I went to take some money out of his wallet to buy some stuff and he got all mad and yelled and said my moneyand didn't want me to use it on things I wanted when we were at the store. So I had to give him a time out to get him to settle down a bit. I had to ask my her it just like this, "So you took money out of his wallet to buy some things you wanted, he didn't want his money spent on those items and got upset, and for it you punished him with a time out is that correct?" She replied that is correct and I said come here son, now you really are like dad mom spends all my money and then I get punished as well. It was one of those rare times that he actually laughs at my jokes, then he hugged me and pulled his $1 to show me, at least she didn't get a chance to spend it all.
He loved the wallet he would pull open the velcro, unfold it and pull out his dollar like he was ready to purchase the world and still get some change back.
For days he did this he would open the wallet pull the money out and shake it around to show us if he wanted to could order off of any dollar menu in the world, and as soon as we would get it back into his wallet he would be excited to show us again he knew how to get his money out faster then the investors in Chase bank. Well I went to give my wife $30 dollars in case she needed to take our daughter into the doctors she didn't have her purse downstairs so she said oh I can just put it in the boys wallet and we'll easily be able to find that as he'll never let that out of his sight. So I put it in and this miracle happened to my boy as soon as he saw me holding his wallet he ran over and took it from me he opened it up and saw that his money had grown, and his investments were already starting to pay off. He slid out the money to see the fancy designs and was super happy. It was so cute to see how happy having this money in his possession made him feel.
The next day I got home from work and my wife tells me he was so bad today. I ask what happened and she says I went to take some money out of his wallet to buy some stuff and he got all mad and yelled and said my moneyand didn't want me to use it on things I wanted when we were at the store. So I had to give him a time out to get him to settle down a bit. I had to ask my her it just like this, "So you took money out of his wallet to buy some things you wanted, he didn't want his money spent on those items and got upset, and for it you punished him with a time out is that correct?" She replied that is correct and I said come here son, now you really are like dad mom spends all my money and then I get punished as well. It was one of those rare times that he actually laughs at my jokes, then he hugged me and pulled his $1 to show me, at least she didn't get a chance to spend it all.
Giving to the homeless
I have noticed this ever increasing trend happening all across the valley as unemployment rises I am seeing all these people now out at tons of off ramps begging for money. They are even on street corners asking for money.
Its not that I don't want to be sympathetic to their situations I don't know what I would do if I couldn't work, but I do know that earlier experiences in my life have convinced me to believe that no matter how hungry or thirsty these people are that if you aren't going to give them money (the root of all evil) that they don't really want anything else. That is the only thing I don't want to give them, I can't see if they are going to use this money to feed themselves or take care of their veteran dog that served in three wars.
My favorite thing is that my wife always asks if they are homeless where did they get the marker to write that or the cardboard, where?
I was incredibly surprised as we went to get off the freeway the other day, she says oh hey tell that guy to come over here we have got something we can give to him.
I am like oh yeah right his mercedes is probably half a block away in the gas station, his sweater is perry ellis.
She says no come on we can spare something for him, just have him come over here and we will talk with him for a second.
She manages to convince me that I am way to untrusting and he probably really is down on his luck and as I am going to roll down my window she hands me the mace from the middle console and says remember to aim for his eyes, and if you don't get him at first try again. This should hold up to 30 shots in it, but don't fire until the light is green we don't anyone to realize we gave him what he truely deserved.
I just laughed and laughed I still get a smile on my face every time I think about it, mostly just becaseu I wonder how he would have reacted when he comes to get $5 and ends up covering his face is agony saying no my eyes my eyes how am I going to manage to drive myself home and enter the code to my gated community?
Its not that I don't want to be sympathetic to their situations I don't know what I would do if I couldn't work, but I do know that earlier experiences in my life have convinced me to believe that no matter how hungry or thirsty these people are that if you aren't going to give them money (the root of all evil) that they don't really want anything else. That is the only thing I don't want to give them, I can't see if they are going to use this money to feed themselves or take care of their veteran dog that served in three wars.
My favorite thing is that my wife always asks if they are homeless where did they get the marker to write that or the cardboard, where?
I was incredibly surprised as we went to get off the freeway the other day, she says oh hey tell that guy to come over here we have got something we can give to him.
I am like oh yeah right his mercedes is probably half a block away in the gas station, his sweater is perry ellis.
She says no come on we can spare something for him, just have him come over here and we will talk with him for a second.
She manages to convince me that I am way to untrusting and he probably really is down on his luck and as I am going to roll down my window she hands me the mace from the middle console and says remember to aim for his eyes, and if you don't get him at first try again. This should hold up to 30 shots in it, but don't fire until the light is green we don't anyone to realize we gave him what he truely deserved.
I just laughed and laughed I still get a smile on my face every time I think about it, mostly just becaseu I wonder how he would have reacted when he comes to get $5 and ends up covering his face is agony saying no my eyes my eyes how am I going to manage to drive myself home and enter the code to my gated community?
Can I get an Amen!
At work we have such a nice employer, they allow us to have our itunes and whatever type of music we want. Now to continue with the same spirit most of us try to share our music so instead of forcing other co-workers to continue to dwindle in their small country world we share our itunes. For the most part when I started I didn't have any music on my computer so everyday I would change my name to make fun of someone else name. I know I am one of those weirdos that had more fun annoying people or trying to then I do just following all the rules. After I had tried this every day for a few months the phase finally wore off, I was just glad I could still access all of their music and they would still share even when I had deliberately tried to get them rialed up. Well the other day I was listening to a guys songs from his local band I thought hum lets check out his collection and see what else hes got. I see 173rd general conference and think ah what the heck I will randomly click on one thing and see who it is. It turns out to be my good friend Tommy S., and it turns out to be one of my favorite talks that he has given so I am getting into it, I am listening to every detail and just thinking wow this is such a great talk when he finishes up and I proudly say Amen to his talk I agree fully with what this man has said and am almost to the point of standing up, turning around and yelling Karin high-five! as the thought slowly creeps up I said Amen out loud its not enough that my co-workers already think I am a little weird to them all (since I don't smoke with them) but now they confirmed that given enough time with them not talking to me I will eventually start talking to my self. It was inevitable. Oh well can I get an Amen?
Thursday, February 19, 2009
intelligent interscom interaction
I always love when people have to use the intercom. Not only is it one of the reasons we are getting lazier and lazier as a society but it makes us think even less as well. It is super easy for an employee to not even care that the person they are calling to check a price for might not want the whole store to know what they are purchasing.
So the real question is what is the worst they have done to you.
I think the most embarassing shouldn't be but when you go to get the super size box tampons for her and they ask for a price check on green box of tampons that are extra absorbant. No guy likes to buy them but then to have them shout it to the whole store that you got suckered into buying them always sucks.
Or if you are having a difficult time with what used to be normal bowel functions and they say price check family size enema kit fun for the whole family.
Another thing that I have noticed is they always say some kind of slogan that they see on the box and it doesn't matter how inappropriate it is when they say it.
Price check on chinese cialis because you love her long time.
The worst was one time two kids that were clearly under age were in front of me buying condoms. They purchase these items and leave with no incident but when I am going to purhcase some, they suddenly have the darn problem back.
Price check condoms 36 pack safe sex isn't an accident its a responsibility. Oh hi bishop johnson yep just stocking up on the weekly supply for this sex fiend. What can I say I must still be the only man in America that doesn't think enough is ever enough.
How embarrassing and it only happens to me when I am buying that weird item the one time. Price check on 145 pack of toilet paper enough to last you a lifetime but you will use it up so much faster than that.
So the real question is what is the worst they have done to you.
I think the most embarassing shouldn't be but when you go to get the super size box tampons for her and they ask for a price check on green box of tampons that are extra absorbant. No guy likes to buy them but then to have them shout it to the whole store that you got suckered into buying them always sucks.
Or if you are having a difficult time with what used to be normal bowel functions and they say price check family size enema kit fun for the whole family.
Another thing that I have noticed is they always say some kind of slogan that they see on the box and it doesn't matter how inappropriate it is when they say it.
Price check on chinese cialis because you love her long time.
The worst was one time two kids that were clearly under age were in front of me buying condoms. They purchase these items and leave with no incident but when I am going to purhcase some, they suddenly have the darn problem back.
Price check condoms 36 pack safe sex isn't an accident its a responsibility. Oh hi bishop johnson yep just stocking up on the weekly supply for this sex fiend. What can I say I must still be the only man in America that doesn't think enough is ever enough.
How embarrassing and it only happens to me when I am buying that weird item the one time. Price check on 145 pack of toilet paper enough to last you a lifetime but you will use it up so much faster than that.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
how pathetic are your attempts
I was just on KSL.com again today and realized they have a Valentines day photo and message blogger. I normally wouldnt' be opposed to this but after just about 10 photos I wanst to throw up. IF you don't have time to read ans see every picture with my hilarious comments then please scroll to the bottom and read my final thoughts at least.
5 photos into it there is a picture of an older polynesian lady where her kids keep calling her mummy.
8 photos into it there is the I love you and a picture of some guy making a fool of himself.
10 photos in oh some lady must have a picture of her boyfriend with one of his brothers lets read the message this looks actually nice "Scott (left), you are the benchmark to which all of my boyfriends are measured. I am glad you are part of my life. xoxo ... Jeff phot submitted by Jeff of my goodness that is ugh vomit spewing from my mouth.
11 photos in some 450 man with a child he brought back from the Phillipines to fluff his pillow, love him long time (although I have a feeling the longest thing he will know is a wait in the drivethrough line at his favorite fast food restaurant when three cars were in front of him) she is only with you for her green card.
Photo 12 some guy surrounded by a full pack of wolves hopefully they will put him out of his misery.
Photo 14-did the guy from photo 10 loose 200 pounds interesting.
Photo 15 rednecks Valentines day.
Photo 20-We had a sweet Valentines day breakfast too bad that was the only thing sweet that day.
Photo 26-It looks like this guy married his housekeeper. Thanks for giving me three kids and cleaning up the house for only $200 bucks a month.
Photo 30-The classic lets hold up something big in a picture flashback to 3rd grade. Wow you look so strong you are holding up that giant building.
Photo 31-A picture of a dog with a message for a dog since when you dog learn to browse the web? and when did it look at anything besides kitty P$%#. Shave your mustache sometime this week please.
Photo 33-Another dog pic with the question how can you not love a face like this. Easy becasue it looks like an overgrown rat. Any other retorical questions that we all thought were obvious.
Photo 35-The nerd that got suckered. What Amber should have written to Tyler, Happy valentines day Tyler I never thought I would find someone stupid enough to marry my fat @$$.
Photo 36-is that Cortney Love with Mr. Frankstoned?
Photo 38-the guy who plays PC sending his love to his Indian support team.
Photo 43-Love your baby fatty-well no wonder why he never touches you anymore after these almost 5 years.
Photo 47-Randy I didn't know she was yours-Get yourself checked out at a clinic sooner rather than later.
Photo 48-Trevor flashing us one of his gang signs. You two remind me of a young Icecube and his wife before she got the surgery. Ebony and Ivory go together in ghetto fabulous harmony.
Photo 49-Now if her mom only knew who her father was in stead of which block he might have lived on.
Photo 52-Kamie lighten up you killed a deer not found out your boyfriends attempt on your husbands life was unsuccessful.
Photo 55-If you have to tell him he's the man we all know hes not. P.S. Can he borrow his pants to run and pick up dinner?
Photo 62-To my wife submitted by Emily. Not in my state.
Photo 66-Holy smoked for most men the bald look is good but for you it is definitely not good.
Photo 68 When you said you will love them but couldn't even submit a photo was it that bad? that you will force yourself to love this person?
Photo 69-Call me especially if you want to go party for your 21 b-day.
Photo 70-You are the only one that didn't know that snow bears are a terrible idea now had you made a care bear you would have been safe.
Photo 71- Living in a van down by the river?
Photo 72- Well Gordon she is good at faking it, she has for the last 21 years.
Photo 73-You are my favorite too oh favorite stripper let me clarify.
Photo 78-Change it from Stone T to Stone D!
Photo 82-I am not saying your son is possessed and looking at ways of killing his new sister I am yelling it out loud.
Photo 84-More Lesbians. um I guess I'll take the one on teh left.
Photo 87-You know that he only has his right ear pierced right?
Photo 88-They say a picture says a thousand words I would save you 999 and sum it up as distasteful.
Photo 90-Someone just got out prison and is still wearing the jumpsuit look out under age girl. Run!
Photo 94-Yeah thanks for being part of her life unlike her father.
Photo 103-My desire to be a father is melting almost as fast as his hopes of making it to college are.
Photo 107-I hope you enjoy your cell phone that your parents bought you I am also sorry to inform you it is just a calculator.
Photo 110-Go back from WENCH you came.
Photo 111-The pervert loves deer.
Photo 137-He only loved them after they took the spanished fly laced drinks from him. Can anyone say drunk fiasco.
Photo 143-She actually said love you long time and she is cheating on the guy from photo 10.
Photo 146-I can see how much your mommy and daddy love you when they can't even take one picture where you aren't crying.
Photo 147-Gang signs at 5 years old.
Photo 153-Sorry I never called you, you were unforgetable um what was your name again?
Photo 154-Well your face was unforgetable your name however was.
Photo 155-That's not frosting on their lips.
Photo 163-I am glad your mom loves you 'cause you are one ugly baby and I don't think I could even if I was your dad.
Photo 166-Are you really with him well I can now guarantee you have gone down the whole entire latter rungs and hit ground zero.
Photo 173-Holy smokes I know your daughter Jenny Bylund she is a copy of her mother.
Photo 174-The sad part is this is the only time he has put a smile on his wifes face and mine. Well that and when he learned to speak some english too.
Photo 179-Nice dress which ones the wife?
Photo 183-I hope your name is not butch or you are dead meat.
Photo 185-I didn't know you were married when I found you in my arms that 203rd time. I am sorry take my name off of your booty call list.
Photo 191-please say this was the last time you only thoguht about jumping in front of the train and that you actually did it this time.
Photo 197-I am so glad they had the bigger sting ray to cover you guys up.
Photo 205-was that Hugh Jackman?
Photo 207-P.S. Don't forget your third anniversary like you forgot the first two.
Photo 213-Monica Lewinski he looks just like his father scared when he saw you in the morning.
Photo 220-Proof that he sat by a girl.
Photo 223-Abish I always thought I would die untouched and alone, now I know I will.
Photo 230 and by V-Day She mean venerial desease.
Photo 232-I love you so much you can quit your job in teh quickie mart and the part time telemarketer.
Photo 241-We might be able to work it out after all. Did you get the money?
Photo 244-The first time I saw someone with stretch marks on their shoulders and their teeth now thats fast growing.
Photo 248-This isn't his first year away from teeth whitening.
Photo 253-The craziest thing is he wears the mask and drag and tries to get picked up. What a freaking nut job.
Photo 260-Anyone that doesn't even spell bronco like normal is going to be a great dad in comparison to the other ones in the trailor park.
Photo 268-17 great years and look at all the hair loss.
FINAL COMMENTS
First off all of you that posted pictures of your kissing gross!
Second of all to all of you that tried to say something like their man is a good man and a good father thanks for being realistic and not trying to lie and tell them they are the best man or best father. To those of you who said best or greatest you are liars because I am and there can only be one.
Third Amanda you are my rock and my safety, everytime I see weird crap like this it makes me realize how real our love is and how it has matured over time. Thanks so much as I am truely greatful to have the best woman and the greatest mother I am greatful for all five of our Valentines days that we have had together and the 2 we saw each other on but didn't know what we were missing.
Fourth to all you weirdos and nut jobs I hope you aren't too offended when I picked apart your weird pictures and thoughts but if you didn't get picked apart thanks for being a genuine person and not ruining something that could have been more romantic.
5 photos into it there is a picture of an older polynesian lady where her kids keep calling her mummy.
8 photos into it there is the I love you and a picture of some guy making a fool of himself.
10 photos in oh some lady must have a picture of her boyfriend with one of his brothers lets read the message this looks actually nice "Scott (left), you are the benchmark to which all of my boyfriends are measured. I am glad you are part of my life. xoxo ... Jeff phot submitted by Jeff of my goodness that is ugh vomit spewing from my mouth.
11 photos in some 450 man with a child he brought back from the Phillipines to fluff his pillow, love him long time (although I have a feeling the longest thing he will know is a wait in the drivethrough line at his favorite fast food restaurant when three cars were in front of him) she is only with you for her green card.
Photo 12 some guy surrounded by a full pack of wolves hopefully they will put him out of his misery.
Photo 14-did the guy from photo 10 loose 200 pounds interesting.
Photo 15 rednecks Valentines day.
Photo 20-We had a sweet Valentines day breakfast too bad that was the only thing sweet that day.
Photo 26-It looks like this guy married his housekeeper. Thanks for giving me three kids and cleaning up the house for only $200 bucks a month.
Photo 30-The classic lets hold up something big in a picture flashback to 3rd grade. Wow you look so strong you are holding up that giant building.
Photo 31-A picture of a dog with a message for a dog since when you dog learn to browse the web? and when did it look at anything besides kitty P$%#. Shave your mustache sometime this week please.
Photo 33-Another dog pic with the question how can you not love a face like this. Easy becasue it looks like an overgrown rat. Any other retorical questions that we all thought were obvious.
Photo 35-The nerd that got suckered. What Amber should have written to Tyler, Happy valentines day Tyler I never thought I would find someone stupid enough to marry my fat @$$.
Photo 36-is that Cortney Love with Mr. Frankstoned?
Photo 38-the guy who plays PC sending his love to his Indian support team.
Photo 43-Love your baby fatty-well no wonder why he never touches you anymore after these almost 5 years.
Photo 47-Randy I didn't know she was yours-Get yourself checked out at a clinic sooner rather than later.
Photo 48-Trevor flashing us one of his gang signs. You two remind me of a young Icecube and his wife before she got the surgery. Ebony and Ivory go together in ghetto fabulous harmony.
Photo 49-Now if her mom only knew who her father was in stead of which block he might have lived on.
Photo 52-Kamie lighten up you killed a deer not found out your boyfriends attempt on your husbands life was unsuccessful.
Photo 55-If you have to tell him he's the man we all know hes not. P.S. Can he borrow his pants to run and pick up dinner?
Photo 62-To my wife submitted by Emily. Not in my state.
Photo 66-Holy smoked for most men the bald look is good but for you it is definitely not good.
Photo 68 When you said you will love them but couldn't even submit a photo was it that bad? that you will force yourself to love this person?
Photo 69-Call me especially if you want to go party for your 21 b-day.
Photo 70-You are the only one that didn't know that snow bears are a terrible idea now had you made a care bear you would have been safe.
Photo 71- Living in a van down by the river?
Photo 72- Well Gordon she is good at faking it, she has for the last 21 years.
Photo 73-You are my favorite too oh favorite stripper let me clarify.
Photo 78-Change it from Stone T to Stone D!
Photo 82-I am not saying your son is possessed and looking at ways of killing his new sister I am yelling it out loud.
Photo 84-More Lesbians. um I guess I'll take the one on teh left.
Photo 87-You know that he only has his right ear pierced right?
Photo 88-They say a picture says a thousand words I would save you 999 and sum it up as distasteful.
Photo 90-Someone just got out prison and is still wearing the jumpsuit look out under age girl. Run!
Photo 94-Yeah thanks for being part of her life unlike her father.
Photo 103-My desire to be a father is melting almost as fast as his hopes of making it to college are.
Photo 107-I hope you enjoy your cell phone that your parents bought you I am also sorry to inform you it is just a calculator.
Photo 110-Go back from WENCH you came.
Photo 111-The pervert loves deer.
Photo 137-He only loved them after they took the spanished fly laced drinks from him. Can anyone say drunk fiasco.
Photo 143-She actually said love you long time and she is cheating on the guy from photo 10.
Photo 146-I can see how much your mommy and daddy love you when they can't even take one picture where you aren't crying.
Photo 147-Gang signs at 5 years old.
Photo 153-Sorry I never called you, you were unforgetable um what was your name again?
Photo 154-Well your face was unforgetable your name however was.
Photo 155-That's not frosting on their lips.
Photo 163-I am glad your mom loves you 'cause you are one ugly baby and I don't think I could even if I was your dad.
Photo 166-Are you really with him well I can now guarantee you have gone down the whole entire latter rungs and hit ground zero.
Photo 173-Holy smokes I know your daughter Jenny Bylund she is a copy of her mother.
Photo 174-The sad part is this is the only time he has put a smile on his wifes face and mine. Well that and when he learned to speak some english too.
Photo 179-Nice dress which ones the wife?
Photo 183-I hope your name is not butch or you are dead meat.
Photo 185-I didn't know you were married when I found you in my arms that 203rd time. I am sorry take my name off of your booty call list.
Photo 191-please say this was the last time you only thoguht about jumping in front of the train and that you actually did it this time.
Photo 197-I am so glad they had the bigger sting ray to cover you guys up.
Photo 205-was that Hugh Jackman?
Photo 207-P.S. Don't forget your third anniversary like you forgot the first two.
Photo 213-Monica Lewinski he looks just like his father scared when he saw you in the morning.
Photo 220-Proof that he sat by a girl.
Photo 223-Abish I always thought I would die untouched and alone, now I know I will.
Photo 230 and by V-Day She mean venerial desease.
Photo 232-I love you so much you can quit your job in teh quickie mart and the part time telemarketer.
Photo 241-We might be able to work it out after all. Did you get the money?
Photo 244-The first time I saw someone with stretch marks on their shoulders and their teeth now thats fast growing.
Photo 248-This isn't his first year away from teeth whitening.
Photo 253-The craziest thing is he wears the mask and drag and tries to get picked up. What a freaking nut job.
Photo 260-Anyone that doesn't even spell bronco like normal is going to be a great dad in comparison to the other ones in the trailor park.
Photo 268-17 great years and look at all the hair loss.
FINAL COMMENTS
First off all of you that posted pictures of your kissing gross!
Second of all to all of you that tried to say something like their man is a good man and a good father thanks for being realistic and not trying to lie and tell them they are the best man or best father. To those of you who said best or greatest you are liars because I am and there can only be one.
Third Amanda you are my rock and my safety, everytime I see weird crap like this it makes me realize how real our love is and how it has matured over time. Thanks so much as I am truely greatful to have the best woman and the greatest mother I am greatful for all five of our Valentines days that we have had together and the 2 we saw each other on but didn't know what we were missing.
Fourth to all you weirdos and nut jobs I hope you aren't too offended when I picked apart your weird pictures and thoughts but if you didn't get picked apart thanks for being a genuine person and not ruining something that could have been more romantic.
So cute yet sad
As many of you might know my little family all has bronchitis right now. Well my 3 and half month old is definitely taking the brunt of it as it is pretty tough on such a little one. The other day I had gotten back from my first day back at work (spreading the joy or possibly the sickness), and went in and downstairs to see how everyone was doing. Well Amanda was stressed out from teh kids and had put down our daughter on her mat to play. She was crying and although it was the saddest cry I have ever heard during my time on earth it was also one of the cutest cries I think I could ever hear at the same time. It was almost like she conveyed this message clearly across as I heard her cry.
It said something like, "I didn't know life would be this tough or that I could ever feel so sick. I don't really know if anything will make me feel better at this time but I just don't want to be alone. Please just hold me and love me, and make all of this go away."
I don't think I will ever forget the sound of her cries at that time. She was adorable and vunerable all at once. It was the one time I feared I would have to live through where I know what one of my family members wants but I am unable to just give it to them. I more fully understand what the Lord goes through each day as many times we ask for things he could give us and he has reasons why he can't always give us everything we ask for.
It said something like, "I didn't know life would be this tough or that I could ever feel so sick. I don't really know if anything will make me feel better at this time but I just don't want to be alone. Please just hold me and love me, and make all of this go away."
I don't think I will ever forget the sound of her cries at that time. She was adorable and vunerable all at once. It was the one time I feared I would have to live through where I know what one of my family members wants but I am unable to just give it to them. I more fully understand what the Lord goes through each day as many times we ask for things he could give us and he has reasons why he can't always give us everything we ask for.
The worst and best part about KSL.com
So I know that quite a few people at my work love ksl.com. It has lots of local news articles you can read and it has classifieds from local people that are free to use. It is overall one of my top ten sites not because I am addicted to it but that for a local company they have done a lot to try and keep you informed and I have used their free classifieds tons of times. The other day I was browsing the classifieds and came across someone that had listed an item under the name mac. Well I got this bright idea that I should send them an email this is bascically how it went.
"Hey Mac, I just wanted to ask you a few questions, how can you stand to run itunes I can't stand that they have never gotten rid of the bugs. I know you might use the excuse that you can't crash, but does that really make you any better at this point. HAve you ever been to a real company even teh government prefers me over that power. Well best of luck in future endeavors- Your friend PC."
I saw a man/woman with the name Efer that had listed another item. I couldn't resist I had to ask them a question to differentiate their sex so I asked, "Are you a Mother, Efer?"
Well to make a long story short I can't help but finding someone on their and askig them rediculous things like I saw you had this $5 toy up for sale can you deliver the item to me I will pay you $10 for the item, and then give them a fake address for St. George, or for some kind of national museum.
the worse part now is it is can't be tracked as any questions you send to someone is anonymous, well as long as no one shows up at my doorstep and says high I got an email saying you'd pay $10 for this used mac, I am Efer, I guess I will be okay.
"Hey Mac, I just wanted to ask you a few questions, how can you stand to run itunes I can't stand that they have never gotten rid of the bugs. I know you might use the excuse that you can't crash, but does that really make you any better at this point. HAve you ever been to a real company even teh government prefers me over that power. Well best of luck in future endeavors- Your friend PC."
I saw a man/woman with the name Efer that had listed another item. I couldn't resist I had to ask them a question to differentiate their sex so I asked, "Are you a Mother, Efer?"
Well to make a long story short I can't help but finding someone on their and askig them rediculous things like I saw you had this $5 toy up for sale can you deliver the item to me I will pay you $10 for the item, and then give them a fake address for St. George, or for some kind of national museum.
the worse part now is it is can't be tracked as any questions you send to someone is anonymous, well as long as no one shows up at my doorstep and says high I got an email saying you'd pay $10 for this used mac, I am Efer, I guess I will be okay.
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